What is a Friend?

It seems like everyone you talk to these days always mention the word friend in conversation. I've noticed that this is a word that is loosely used by a lot of people. Some have the idea if they are introduced to someone that they automatically become a friend. Maybe I'm wrong, but doesn't that just make them an acquaintance? It seems that people are so lonely and insecure that they confuse friend and acquaintances.
I would like to tell my definition of both:
A friend is someone that you personally know,you may have went to school with them,
you may have work with them and developed a close relationship,you talk with this
person on a regular basis, they are there if you need them and vice versa.
An acquaintance is nothing more than someone you have met briefly. You have never spent any time with them doing things together. You've never worked together and shared things. Should you need them for something, they usually have an excuse why they aren't available.
I work with people that I see everyday, we know each other by name, but we have never been together outside of work. Are these people friends? Maybe some people would say they are, but I feel they are nothing more than acquaintances or just co-workers.

It's sad that more people don't take the time to distinguish the difference. It could save them a lot of heartache if they would.

My advice to these people is wake up! Not everyone you meet or talk to is your friend. I'm a member of a social network, are these people my friends? Some actually are people that I know personally, others are people that I've met online and are more or less online pals that send you comments to brighten your day. Most live in other states, and it's kind of interesting to talk about the things that are going on where each one lives. I guess they are more or less pen pals, only instead of sending letters back and forth by mail (as my mother did for years before she lost her sight)now you correspond through email. I can remember my mom corresponding with men and women from all over the United States, but in all those years, she never said "oh I got a letter from my friend", she always said she got a letter from her pen pal so & so.
My mother lived by herself for thirty years after all of kids grew up and left home. I'm sure that she was lonely, but at least she knew who was her friends and who was her acquaintances.
I have a couple of Best Friends (the ones that know me as well as I know my self and love me just the way I am), I have a few friends (ones that I see and talk to occasionally, maybe even get together and do something) and then I have tons of acquaintances (people I see on a regular basis, but they know very little about me and I plan on keeping that way). You see most of these people that I'm acquainted with, I really don't have that much in common with them, so I don't see them as being a true friend.
Maybe I'm too judgmental, but it sure keep the wolves away, you know the ones, they always show up at your door when they have no one else to turn to and the suck the life out of you. The use you for everything that can get out of you then leave when you have no more to give.
It's sad to say that more and more each day, our world is being consumed by people that are self centered. It's all "about them" and what they want. They could care less about what other people need. I'm afraid the days of helping your fellow man are long gone. If you should happen to find someone that gives freely without expecting anything in return, then you have stumbled onto a rare breed and should be in awe of such a lost trait in humanity.

Relationships

No matter what people say, for the most part relationships can be difficult. In order to make it work, you have to work at it constantly. I like to think of a relationship as a flower garden, it has to be watered, weeded, fertilized, pruned and if this is done on a regular basis, then you will be rewarded with the most beautiful flowers ever seen. If allowed to become overgrown with weeds and not watered, then it will dry up and die of starvation.
Couples need to remember that it takes two to make it work, one can't do it by themselves for very long. If left unattended the love will turn into resentment and that will allow for disgust followed by hate to take its' place.
We need to remember to never take our love one for granted, appreciation goes along way in a relationship. The more someone shows their appreciation for the big or little things, the more they will receive those things.
There are relationships out there that I don't quite understand. The woman works everyday and the man stays home. She supports him, he treats her like crap and yet when she's asked why she don't leave, she says "Because I love him." I have to wonder what kind of childhood this woman had that she's willing to accept any kind of behavior from a man because she's afraid that that's all she is worthy of. It's sad but there are lot of people out there that have to be in total control. In order to do this, they gain the other's trust, then once they get it, the mental abuse begins. First it's subtle like minor jealousy over someone looking at their guy/gal, then it moves on to calling them names and reminding them that they wouldn't be anything if the man/gal hadn't came into their lives. They are told that they're stupid, worthless, fat and that no one else would ever want them. In some relationships physical abuse is used to remind them who the boss of the household is. I know that physical abuse is horrible, but mental abuse goes a lot deeper and harder to recover from. I should know, I was a victim of mental abuse. I still have times that I do something and then get scared that I'm going to get into trouble for what I did. I've been single for eight years and the mental abuse still haunts me.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching to why I can't seem to hold onto someone after they show an interest in me and I've come to the conclusion that it's because of this abuse that I'm scared to get too close to anyone or let them get too close to me so that I won't fall into that trap of abuse again. I'm trying to work on that, telling myself that not everyone is controlling and that I need to learn to trust again. I want to trust again, I want that someone special in my life again, but I know it's going to take time. The only thing I know to do at this point is take the time to get to know them before rushing into anything. No matter how lonely I get, I've got to be patient.

My only wish is that if someone reads this and sees themselves in this type of situation, that they take the necessary steps to get out. Remember that there is always hope and that you deserve better. If you have children, that is more of a reason to get out, so that you can be there for your children. You owe it to them to make sure that they are safe and will have a mom/dad to come home to.

Dating after 40

It seems like everything in life is going your way, when out of the blue, for one reason or another you find yourself alone. For some this is a exciting time, a time to do all the things they wanted but wasn't able to do, due to obligations to the family. Others find this to be a devasting time, not knowing where to turn, what to do, how to move forward.

After months or years, you start searching for a companion. Where do you find someone? These days a lot of people meet on the internet through social networking sites or dating sites. This can be exciting and frustrating all at the same time. So many people portray themselves as something they're not. Maybe they use a younger picture of themselves or use someone else's picture and then when you meet them, they are totally different than what you expected. Some of the dating sites will match you up with your perfect match. What a joke! Most of these I've been matched up with don't have hardly anything in common with me, or they aren't even in the age range that I put that I was looking for. There's a lot of money spent on these dating sites to meet your dream person. While the people that run these sites rake in the money, you are faced with one disappointment after another.

Some people just sign up to these sites to find someone to use and then dump them after they get what they want, others are married looking for an affair, and then there's always the ones they call the "Nigerian Scammers". Those are the ones you really have to be careful and alert to.

They usually write their profile that they are single, widowed, has a young child that needs a mother/father and their just looking for the right person to give their love to. They claim to be from the U.S. but usually have some business that takes them out of the country. All these men and women are looking for is someone wealthy that they can get large sums of money out of.

Then the time comes, you find the one you feel you've been searching for. You've got a lot of things in common and they seem to be truly interested in you. You think that maybe this is the end of your search and the void in your life will be once again be filled. You talk everyday, either by phone or emailing, you find yourself looking forward to that contact. You're on cloud nine and nothing can get you down. Then it happens, all of sudden the contact gets less and less. You give them the benefit of the doubt that they've just been too busy and that you'll hear from them soon. After a few weeks have past, you decide to go to the website that you met them on and what do you find? They've been on the site that very day, but you never heard from them. What's going on?

Why do people lead you to believe that you're what they have been searching for and before you can really get to know each other, they pull back? So there you are, back on the emotional roller coaster, hurt because you haven't heard from them and insecurity sets in. You find yourself wondering if they are commuticating with other women on the site, or even dating them while keeping you on the hook in case the other doesn't work out. How do people expect relationships to work if you can't talk about what you're feeling in the very beginning. There's nothing wrong with being upfront about what you're looking for in a relationship , letting the other know that you want to take things slow and get to know one another . If you can only get together for a date once a week because of work schedules, then talk about this. If you're not going to get together on your days off, then don't lead the other to believe you are. This only leads to anger and distrust. If you say you're going to call, then call. Don't leave the other one sitting around waiting by a phone that never rings. Being honest in the beginning is a must. What if you don't want to date one person exclusively? Then this is something that should be address right from the start. There's nothing worse than one party thinking that they are with someone exclusively, when the other is dating different people. I see nothing wrong with going and getting a cup of coffee with someone that you've met after having a date with someone else the evening before. Just don't be secretive about it. Don't let yourself get stuck at home waiting to hear from someone that isn't going to contact you, because they are out on a date with someone else. If you get invitations to go to dinner, movie, coffee, etc from other men/women then go. That's the only way you're going to find out who you are really compatible with and it will help you make the decision of who you want for a companion.
At this time in your life, you are no longer a teenager or in college, so don't act like it. Be mature about dating and what you want in a relationship. If you meet someone that you thought was you're ideal mate, only to find out after a couple of dates that you were wrong, end it. Don't continue to drag it out. There's a lot of people out there that get married just because they're tired of being lonely. This is the worst reason to get married. Most people I know that have done this, are more unhappy than they were when they were single. Wake up out there! Life is too short to be unhappy and that's not what God had planned for us.

I hope that I have found that special someone, but if it's not meant to be, then I'll just keep searching.

Rolling Boom boxes

Everywhere you go today (you can even be sitting at home) there's always that thump, thump, thump going on. Getting louder as it gets closer to you. It's the youth these days with their pimped out stereo systems in their cars. I'm not against music, I thoroughly enjoy mine, it's on at the house, in my car and at work. I just think that if I can hear someone else's music (I guess that's what they call the thump, thump, thump) then I feel it's a little too loud. I don't mind it if someone pulls up to me at the stoplight and I can actually hear the words to the music, but that other stuff needs to controlled. It's very irritating when you are awaken at 3 am to this sound going by your house. I asked an officer onetime if that fell under the noise pollution ordinance in our town. He said that it did, I asked then why something wasn't being done about it and I was told to get them a license plated number and they would follow up. ???? Excuse me, just how am I suppose to do that at 3 am when it wakes me out of a sound sleep? By the time I got up and out of the house they would be long gone! Granted we've all been there, the generation before us just didn't understand what our music was all about and why we had to turn it up, but at least our music had words to it. I can recall more than once my mother telling me to turn my music down. I've noticed that whenever you see (or better yet hear ) one of these rolling boom boxes, they always have their windows down no matter what season it is. Has the thought ever crossed their minds that if they roll their windows up they wouldn't need to have it so loud, or that not everyone is impressed with their stereos' output? I think not, or else they would already be doing that. What was really rough, was when I worked graveyard shift as my second job. I live close to the high school and most of the school traffic went by my house. I found that if I didn't get to bed in the mornings before 7:30, then it would be after 8:30 before I could do so, otherwise their stereos would keep me awake. I do have to admit that I have actually seen someone be considerate about turning it down. I was sitting on my porch one day when I hear the thump, thump, thump coming up the street. When this young fellow stopped at the stop sign, he looked my direction and must have noticed the irritated look on my face, because he turned it down and from that time on, he would turn it down at least a block before he reached my house and didn't turn it back up until about block past my house. Whenever I saw him from that time on, I always waved at him just to let him know that I appreciated his consideration. Now if we could get the convenience store clerks to ask their patrons to turn theirs down while they're in the store, or the police to start issuing warnings while in traffic, day or night, it just might get to a tolerable level. I'm getting ready to leave , now where did I put those earplugs?

Labels

My how times have changed. Used to be that when a child acted out, they were disciplined and usually just called spoiled or being a brat. These days when children act out, they're labeled as having ADD, ADHD, Bi-Polar, Autistic, or the combination of these. Granted parents want to get help for their children if there's something wrong, but in my opinion these diagnoses are way too high. Do doctors get a kickback from the pharmecutial companies for promoting meds that people may not need? Most of these kids go from being normal active kids, to basically zombies. If you want to fight the war on drugs, let's start by cutting back on what is given our children at such a young age. It has been found that prescription medications are the preferred drugs of middle school and high school kids . My question is, when did we get to the point that in order to feel good or if your kid doesn't act the way you think they should, give them a pill? I want to lay the blame on parents. They have neglected their responsibility to discipline their children at a young age. When they get to be around eight years old and start showing out, they are taken to the doctor, with the parent crying that they can't do anything with them, they are just out of control. So the doctor makes his quick diagnoses and gives them a pill to take.
Wake up America!! You can discipline your children as long as you don't leave any bruises. You don't have to beat your kids to get their attention, take away some of their priviledges.
When I was growing up, if you did something you were suppose to, you got a switch (a small tree branch with or without leaves) used on you and when you got older, you got grounded. I don't know which hurt worse, the switch or grounded. I'm leaning more toward the latter. Not being able to go to the skating rink with your friends was horrible punishment. I have ADHD (as they call it now), my mother didn't put me on meds, she just told me to go outside and play. I always had to be doing something, couldn't sit still if it depended on my life. My poor mother tried to teach me how to crochet and how to do embrodiery, but she'd give up after about 15 min cause I was so fidgety. Something must have sank in though, cause when I got older, I got the idea I wanted to crochet and do embrodiery and it came very easy to me. I never had any problems sitting still in school though, because of my upbringing, I knew that if I got in trouble at school, it would be worse when I got home. I'm sure the parents these days thought their parents were soooooo strict and they weren't going to be that way with their kids. Well congradulations! You have managed to create a generation of smart mouth, disrespectful, lazy, irresponsible and self-centered kids. When you wonder why your kids won't listen to you, take a look in the mirror. You swore that you were going to raise your kids different than you were raised and you succeeded. Come on, don't be afraid to spank their bottoms when they are little so that they know who the boss is. I know many are afraid that if they discipline their children that Social Services will put them in jail for child abuse. Well as I said before, as long as you are not leaving bruises on your kids, it is not considered child abuse ( my source for this statement was a police officer when I was having a problem with my grandson). Too many people are quick to turn others in for discipling their kids, well maybe Social Services should take the time to write up guidelines (maybe they already have) for what is considered child abuse. I continually hear parents complaining that they can't do anything with their kids. When you sit back and watch the situation, you'll notice that the parents do nothing in the way of giving these kids the attention they are seeking. The parents are too involved with themselves and what they want that they can't give their kids a few hours of their time. Most kids that act out and are considered out of control are just wanting attention. They are to the point they don't care what kind of attention it is, good or bad, or who they get it from as long as they are getting it. Maybe that's the reason for so many teenage pregnancies, kids just wanting to be loved and have some attention. If we continue to neglect our responsibilities of discipline, each generation will ultimately be worse than the one before it. Just think, these are the kids that is going to be running our country. Heaven help me, I hope I'm not around to see it.

Band-aids

What ever happened to "I am stuck on Band-aids, cause Band-aids are stuck on me" ? You can't get a good band-aid anymore. Most of them you buy, don't have enough adhesive to stick to anything (with exception to maybe the bathroom floor), you put it on and within the hour (or sooner) it's starting to come off. What happened? You can't put your hands in water for very long or else you'll see the band-aid floating in the sink. You can find all kinds of band-aids these days, there's sheer strips, medicated strips, flexible, plastic strips, fingertip, knuckle,and the list goes on. It can get confusing in the band-aid aisle, you go in with the intention of picking up a box of band-aids and there's all these different kinds staring back at you. So you stand there thinking to yourself, what kind should I get? Regular ones, yes, but what if I cut my finger, should I get the knuckle one or the fingertip? Let's see plastic strip or sheer strip? Regular or Latex free? Large ones or the box with a variety of sizes? It's crazy and it'll make you that way if you stand there long enough. No matter which one you choose, it still won't have enough adhesive, unless you get it on too tight and want to loosen it up, then it rips and you have to start all over. So Isay, lead me to the band-aid aisle, put a blind fold on me and I'll just grab something and make it work. Happy band-aid shopping!

Rockin' the beer gut--confidence in yourself

I listen to all types of music and I've heard this country song "Rockin' the Beer Gut" off and on for several weeks now, sorry I don't know the artist who sings this. It's a very catchy song, but while at work the other day I was really listening to the lyrics. Contrary to what some may think the lyrics mean, my interpetation is that she's confident in the way she looks. She's apparently got extra weight in the stomach area, but instead of covering it up and being ashamed of how she looks, she's showing it off. That's being self confident in yourself and loving yourself for who you are. Everywhere we look these days, magazine after magazine, infomercials after infomercials, try to convince us that we need to be thin and well sculpted. Well excuse me for being average. I've never been a size 6 (except maybe when I was 6 yrs old ) and I'll never be a size 6, so I accept who I am and how my body looks. I've tried the "going to the gym" thing to look better for my husband, but what did I get instead, I continued to be ignored and a body that looked like a bulldog. I was working out for at least an hour, five days a week for several months. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. There wasn't anything feminine about the way I looked and there wasn't any weight loss either. Of course they will tell you that muscle weighs more than fat, and it takes muscle to burn fat. Well I think my muscles and my fat became best friends, cause the muscles got bigger, but the fat stayed around like an unwanted house guest. I was so unhappy when I saw myself like that, I gave up on the gym and beating myself up about the way I looked. Once I decided that I didn't need society's idea of what we needed to look like, I felt better about myself and my body. I realize that the real me was on the inside and the outside was just a package. There's some people that only look at that outside package and they are missing out on the real person. This can work both ways though. I've seen some really great looking people in my lifetime, males as well as females, but once you talked to them, the real person came out as arrogant, self centered, egotistical, catty and the list goes on. To me these people were no longer good looking, maybe on the outside, but the real them wasn't. I'm saying that we all need to look at ourselves on the inside and accept what we are on the outside. If you're not happy with how you look, well my advice to you is have a check-up from the neck up. I'm not saying that if you're obese to accept your body the way it is, that needs to be addressed for health reasons( it could save your life). There again, if you take time to look inside yourself, you just might find out what is going on with you that you comfort yourself with food. Talk to a friend that you trust, to help you when you're going through whatever it is that is causing you to eat. Get yourself a support group (these should be people who know you and want to see you succeed). If you don't have this and feel comfortable with strangers, then check your local phone book for these types of groups. We all should feel comfortable with ourselves and let our inner self shine. You will be amazed at how your life will turn around for you when you let this happen. Life is too short to be unhappy (that's why the husband is now my ex). God didn't put us on this earth to be unhappy. Were that the case, we wouldn't have blue skies, different colored flowers and green grass in the spring and all the beautiful, different colored leaves in the fall. Even if you don't like snow and ice, you have to admit that to get up in the morning to a blanket of snow, everything looks so clean and fresh. To me it's so beautiful to see ice on the trees and power lines, when the sun hits them, they sparkle like diamonds. It's really breath taking if you get past the negative idea of " ugh, more ice or snow". So you see God has blessed us all with his gifts, it's up to us whether or not we choose to see the beauty or to be so self absorbed that we take it for granted and see the negative. He loves us all, no matter what we look like and we should love ourselves too. I've heard that you have to love yourself, before you can truly love someone else and they return that love. I believe this, you have to be open to love in order to receive it.
If I've offended anyone with my posts, I apologize, these are just my thoughts and opinions.

Health Care Reform

As everyone knows, President Obama is pushing for mandatory health care. The question I have is, " how are we going to pay for it?" With so many Americans out of work, there isn't as much income taxes being paid in as there was a year ago, so where do we get the money? I've read that he was considering taking it away from Social Security, what happens to the elderly then? They barely make ends meet with the economy the way it is, plus most have health problems and have prescription costs that are through the ceiling (Medicare doesn't pay 100% of their prescriptions ), so a lot of what they get from Social Security goes for medications. Then you have the ones that sit around and do nothing, then wonder why they put on so much weight. After awhile of being inactive, they get to the point they can't do much because of the excess weight, so they apply for Social Security disability. Most find doctors that will fill out papers stating that their weight has created health problems, and they can't work. Then some just hire an attorney after they have been denied so that they can get disability.
I was listening to the news on the Fox channel yesterday evening and they said that there were "rising health care cost related to obesity". They went on the state the complications of obesity, such as diabetes, heart problems, etc.
My thought on this, is instead of giving them disability payments each month so that they can continue to sit around and do nothing, let's get them the help they really need. Therapy for one, so they can understand why they are compelled to overeat (boredom, anxiety, stress, etc). Sign them up for one of the weight control groups, so they can learn to eat more healthier. Push them to get out and do something, even walk around their house instead of sitting around putting food in their mouths. I'm sure plenty of them will give up any kind of plan to help them lose weight if they don't see dramatic results in a short period of time. What they don't realize is that they didn't gain all this weight in a few weeks and it isn't going to come off that fast either.
Granted there are some that are physically limited to what they can do, not because of obesity, but because of physical injuries. I know about this because I have a pinched nerve in my back, but I work five days a week. It's not a physically demanding job, but I do work. I'm not slim and trim as I was in my 20's, but I'm older now and the ole metabolism just isn't what it used to be.
I still get out and do what I can, but I'm careful not to over do it. If it's something I shouldn't be lifting, well then I've learned to ask for help. I get bored the same as the next person, but instead of seeking out food, I find other things to do.

So if Obama wants to take away from Social Security, then I say, lets look at the ones drawing a check, because they let themselves go and now is a burden on the health care system. Don't take it from the elderly or the ones who have been injured and can't work. Take it from those who are milking the system.