Dating after 40

It seems like everything in life is going your way, when out of the blue, for one reason or another you find yourself alone. For some this is a exciting time, a time to do all the things they wanted but wasn't able to do, due to obligations to the family. Others find this to be a devasting time, not knowing where to turn, what to do, how to move forward.

After months or years, you start searching for a companion. Where do you find someone? These days a lot of people meet on the internet through social networking sites or dating sites. This can be exciting and frustrating all at the same time. So many people portray themselves as something they're not. Maybe they use a younger picture of themselves or use someone else's picture and then when you meet them, they are totally different than what you expected. Some of the dating sites will match you up with your perfect match. What a joke! Most of these I've been matched up with don't have hardly anything in common with me, or they aren't even in the age range that I put that I was looking for. There's a lot of money spent on these dating sites to meet your dream person. While the people that run these sites rake in the money, you are faced with one disappointment after another.

Some people just sign up to these sites to find someone to use and then dump them after they get what they want, others are married looking for an affair, and then there's always the ones they call the "Nigerian Scammers". Those are the ones you really have to be careful and alert to.

They usually write their profile that they are single, widowed, has a young child that needs a mother/father and their just looking for the right person to give their love to. They claim to be from the U.S. but usually have some business that takes them out of the country. All these men and women are looking for is someone wealthy that they can get large sums of money out of.

Then the time comes, you find the one you feel you've been searching for. You've got a lot of things in common and they seem to be truly interested in you. You think that maybe this is the end of your search and the void in your life will be once again be filled. You talk everyday, either by phone or emailing, you find yourself looking forward to that contact. You're on cloud nine and nothing can get you down. Then it happens, all of sudden the contact gets less and less. You give them the benefit of the doubt that they've just been too busy and that you'll hear from them soon. After a few weeks have past, you decide to go to the website that you met them on and what do you find? They've been on the site that very day, but you never heard from them. What's going on?

Why do people lead you to believe that you're what they have been searching for and before you can really get to know each other, they pull back? So there you are, back on the emotional roller coaster, hurt because you haven't heard from them and insecurity sets in. You find yourself wondering if they are commuticating with other women on the site, or even dating them while keeping you on the hook in case the other doesn't work out. How do people expect relationships to work if you can't talk about what you're feeling in the very beginning. There's nothing wrong with being upfront about what you're looking for in a relationship , letting the other know that you want to take things slow and get to know one another . If you can only get together for a date once a week because of work schedules, then talk about this. If you're not going to get together on your days off, then don't lead the other to believe you are. This only leads to anger and distrust. If you say you're going to call, then call. Don't leave the other one sitting around waiting by a phone that never rings. Being honest in the beginning is a must. What if you don't want to date one person exclusively? Then this is something that should be address right from the start. There's nothing worse than one party thinking that they are with someone exclusively, when the other is dating different people. I see nothing wrong with going and getting a cup of coffee with someone that you've met after having a date with someone else the evening before. Just don't be secretive about it. Don't let yourself get stuck at home waiting to hear from someone that isn't going to contact you, because they are out on a date with someone else. If you get invitations to go to dinner, movie, coffee, etc from other men/women then go. That's the only way you're going to find out who you are really compatible with and it will help you make the decision of who you want for a companion.
At this time in your life, you are no longer a teenager or in college, so don't act like it. Be mature about dating and what you want in a relationship. If you meet someone that you thought was you're ideal mate, only to find out after a couple of dates that you were wrong, end it. Don't continue to drag it out. There's a lot of people out there that get married just because they're tired of being lonely. This is the worst reason to get married. Most people I know that have done this, are more unhappy than they were when they were single. Wake up out there! Life is too short to be unhappy and that's not what God had planned for us.

I hope that I have found that special someone, but if it's not meant to be, then I'll just keep searching.