Relationships

No matter what people say, for the most part relationships can be difficult. In order to make it work, you have to work at it constantly. I like to think of a relationship as a flower garden, it has to be watered, weeded, fertilized, pruned and if this is done on a regular basis, then you will be rewarded with the most beautiful flowers ever seen. If allowed to become overgrown with weeds and not watered, then it will dry up and die of starvation.
Couples need to remember that it takes two to make it work, one can't do it by themselves for very long. If left unattended the love will turn into resentment and that will allow for disgust followed by hate to take its' place.
We need to remember to never take our love one for granted, appreciation goes along way in a relationship. The more someone shows their appreciation for the big or little things, the more they will receive those things.
There are relationships out there that I don't quite understand. The woman works everyday and the man stays home. She supports him, he treats her like crap and yet when she's asked why she don't leave, she says "Because I love him." I have to wonder what kind of childhood this woman had that she's willing to accept any kind of behavior from a man because she's afraid that that's all she is worthy of. It's sad but there are lot of people out there that have to be in total control. In order to do this, they gain the other's trust, then once they get it, the mental abuse begins. First it's subtle like minor jealousy over someone looking at their guy/gal, then it moves on to calling them names and reminding them that they wouldn't be anything if the man/gal hadn't came into their lives. They are told that they're stupid, worthless, fat and that no one else would ever want them. In some relationships physical abuse is used to remind them who the boss of the household is. I know that physical abuse is horrible, but mental abuse goes a lot deeper and harder to recover from. I should know, I was a victim of mental abuse. I still have times that I do something and then get scared that I'm going to get into trouble for what I did. I've been single for eight years and the mental abuse still haunts me.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching to why I can't seem to hold onto someone after they show an interest in me and I've come to the conclusion that it's because of this abuse that I'm scared to get too close to anyone or let them get too close to me so that I won't fall into that trap of abuse again. I'm trying to work on that, telling myself that not everyone is controlling and that I need to learn to trust again. I want to trust again, I want that someone special in my life again, but I know it's going to take time. The only thing I know to do at this point is take the time to get to know them before rushing into anything. No matter how lonely I get, I've got to be patient.

My only wish is that if someone reads this and sees themselves in this type of situation, that they take the necessary steps to get out. Remember that there is always hope and that you deserve better. If you have children, that is more of a reason to get out, so that you can be there for your children. You owe it to them to make sure that they are safe and will have a mom/dad to come home to.

Dating after 40

It seems like everything in life is going your way, when out of the blue, for one reason or another you find yourself alone. For some this is a exciting time, a time to do all the things they wanted but wasn't able to do, due to obligations to the family. Others find this to be a devasting time, not knowing where to turn, what to do, how to move forward.

After months or years, you start searching for a companion. Where do you find someone? These days a lot of people meet on the internet through social networking sites or dating sites. This can be exciting and frustrating all at the same time. So many people portray themselves as something they're not. Maybe they use a younger picture of themselves or use someone else's picture and then when you meet them, they are totally different than what you expected. Some of the dating sites will match you up with your perfect match. What a joke! Most of these I've been matched up with don't have hardly anything in common with me, or they aren't even in the age range that I put that I was looking for. There's a lot of money spent on these dating sites to meet your dream person. While the people that run these sites rake in the money, you are faced with one disappointment after another.

Some people just sign up to these sites to find someone to use and then dump them after they get what they want, others are married looking for an affair, and then there's always the ones they call the "Nigerian Scammers". Those are the ones you really have to be careful and alert to.

They usually write their profile that they are single, widowed, has a young child that needs a mother/father and their just looking for the right person to give their love to. They claim to be from the U.S. but usually have some business that takes them out of the country. All these men and women are looking for is someone wealthy that they can get large sums of money out of.

Then the time comes, you find the one you feel you've been searching for. You've got a lot of things in common and they seem to be truly interested in you. You think that maybe this is the end of your search and the void in your life will be once again be filled. You talk everyday, either by phone or emailing, you find yourself looking forward to that contact. You're on cloud nine and nothing can get you down. Then it happens, all of sudden the contact gets less and less. You give them the benefit of the doubt that they've just been too busy and that you'll hear from them soon. After a few weeks have past, you decide to go to the website that you met them on and what do you find? They've been on the site that very day, but you never heard from them. What's going on?

Why do people lead you to believe that you're what they have been searching for and before you can really get to know each other, they pull back? So there you are, back on the emotional roller coaster, hurt because you haven't heard from them and insecurity sets in. You find yourself wondering if they are commuticating with other women on the site, or even dating them while keeping you on the hook in case the other doesn't work out. How do people expect relationships to work if you can't talk about what you're feeling in the very beginning. There's nothing wrong with being upfront about what you're looking for in a relationship , letting the other know that you want to take things slow and get to know one another . If you can only get together for a date once a week because of work schedules, then talk about this. If you're not going to get together on your days off, then don't lead the other to believe you are. This only leads to anger and distrust. If you say you're going to call, then call. Don't leave the other one sitting around waiting by a phone that never rings. Being honest in the beginning is a must. What if you don't want to date one person exclusively? Then this is something that should be address right from the start. There's nothing worse than one party thinking that they are with someone exclusively, when the other is dating different people. I see nothing wrong with going and getting a cup of coffee with someone that you've met after having a date with someone else the evening before. Just don't be secretive about it. Don't let yourself get stuck at home waiting to hear from someone that isn't going to contact you, because they are out on a date with someone else. If you get invitations to go to dinner, movie, coffee, etc from other men/women then go. That's the only way you're going to find out who you are really compatible with and it will help you make the decision of who you want for a companion.
At this time in your life, you are no longer a teenager or in college, so don't act like it. Be mature about dating and what you want in a relationship. If you meet someone that you thought was you're ideal mate, only to find out after a couple of dates that you were wrong, end it. Don't continue to drag it out. There's a lot of people out there that get married just because they're tired of being lonely. This is the worst reason to get married. Most people I know that have done this, are more unhappy than they were when they were single. Wake up out there! Life is too short to be unhappy and that's not what God had planned for us.

I hope that I have found that special someone, but if it's not meant to be, then I'll just keep searching.

Rolling Boom boxes

Everywhere you go today (you can even be sitting at home) there's always that thump, thump, thump going on. Getting louder as it gets closer to you. It's the youth these days with their pimped out stereo systems in their cars. I'm not against music, I thoroughly enjoy mine, it's on at the house, in my car and at work. I just think that if I can hear someone else's music (I guess that's what they call the thump, thump, thump) then I feel it's a little too loud. I don't mind it if someone pulls up to me at the stoplight and I can actually hear the words to the music, but that other stuff needs to controlled. It's very irritating when you are awaken at 3 am to this sound going by your house. I asked an officer onetime if that fell under the noise pollution ordinance in our town. He said that it did, I asked then why something wasn't being done about it and I was told to get them a license plated number and they would follow up. ???? Excuse me, just how am I suppose to do that at 3 am when it wakes me out of a sound sleep? By the time I got up and out of the house they would be long gone! Granted we've all been there, the generation before us just didn't understand what our music was all about and why we had to turn it up, but at least our music had words to it. I can recall more than once my mother telling me to turn my music down. I've noticed that whenever you see (or better yet hear ) one of these rolling boom boxes, they always have their windows down no matter what season it is. Has the thought ever crossed their minds that if they roll their windows up they wouldn't need to have it so loud, or that not everyone is impressed with their stereos' output? I think not, or else they would already be doing that. What was really rough, was when I worked graveyard shift as my second job. I live close to the high school and most of the school traffic went by my house. I found that if I didn't get to bed in the mornings before 7:30, then it would be after 8:30 before I could do so, otherwise their stereos would keep me awake. I do have to admit that I have actually seen someone be considerate about turning it down. I was sitting on my porch one day when I hear the thump, thump, thump coming up the street. When this young fellow stopped at the stop sign, he looked my direction and must have noticed the irritated look on my face, because he turned it down and from that time on, he would turn it down at least a block before he reached my house and didn't turn it back up until about block past my house. Whenever I saw him from that time on, I always waved at him just to let him know that I appreciated his consideration. Now if we could get the convenience store clerks to ask their patrons to turn theirs down while they're in the store, or the police to start issuing warnings while in traffic, day or night, it just might get to a tolerable level. I'm getting ready to leave , now where did I put those earplugs?

Labels

My how times have changed. Used to be that when a child acted out, they were disciplined and usually just called spoiled or being a brat. These days when children act out, they're labeled as having ADD, ADHD, Bi-Polar, Autistic, or the combination of these. Granted parents want to get help for their children if there's something wrong, but in my opinion these diagnoses are way too high. Do doctors get a kickback from the pharmecutial companies for promoting meds that people may not need? Most of these kids go from being normal active kids, to basically zombies. If you want to fight the war on drugs, let's start by cutting back on what is given our children at such a young age. It has been found that prescription medications are the preferred drugs of middle school and high school kids . My question is, when did we get to the point that in order to feel good or if your kid doesn't act the way you think they should, give them a pill? I want to lay the blame on parents. They have neglected their responsibility to discipline their children at a young age. When they get to be around eight years old and start showing out, they are taken to the doctor, with the parent crying that they can't do anything with them, they are just out of control. So the doctor makes his quick diagnoses and gives them a pill to take.
Wake up America!! You can discipline your children as long as you don't leave any bruises. You don't have to beat your kids to get their attention, take away some of their priviledges.
When I was growing up, if you did something you were suppose to, you got a switch (a small tree branch with or without leaves) used on you and when you got older, you got grounded. I don't know which hurt worse, the switch or grounded. I'm leaning more toward the latter. Not being able to go to the skating rink with your friends was horrible punishment. I have ADHD (as they call it now), my mother didn't put me on meds, she just told me to go outside and play. I always had to be doing something, couldn't sit still if it depended on my life. My poor mother tried to teach me how to crochet and how to do embrodiery, but she'd give up after about 15 min cause I was so fidgety. Something must have sank in though, cause when I got older, I got the idea I wanted to crochet and do embrodiery and it came very easy to me. I never had any problems sitting still in school though, because of my upbringing, I knew that if I got in trouble at school, it would be worse when I got home. I'm sure the parents these days thought their parents were soooooo strict and they weren't going to be that way with their kids. Well congradulations! You have managed to create a generation of smart mouth, disrespectful, lazy, irresponsible and self-centered kids. When you wonder why your kids won't listen to you, take a look in the mirror. You swore that you were going to raise your kids different than you were raised and you succeeded. Come on, don't be afraid to spank their bottoms when they are little so that they know who the boss is. I know many are afraid that if they discipline their children that Social Services will put them in jail for child abuse. Well as I said before, as long as you are not leaving bruises on your kids, it is not considered child abuse ( my source for this statement was a police officer when I was having a problem with my grandson). Too many people are quick to turn others in for discipling their kids, well maybe Social Services should take the time to write up guidelines (maybe they already have) for what is considered child abuse. I continually hear parents complaining that they can't do anything with their kids. When you sit back and watch the situation, you'll notice that the parents do nothing in the way of giving these kids the attention they are seeking. The parents are too involved with themselves and what they want that they can't give their kids a few hours of their time. Most kids that act out and are considered out of control are just wanting attention. They are to the point they don't care what kind of attention it is, good or bad, or who they get it from as long as they are getting it. Maybe that's the reason for so many teenage pregnancies, kids just wanting to be loved and have some attention. If we continue to neglect our responsibilities of discipline, each generation will ultimately be worse than the one before it. Just think, these are the kids that is going to be running our country. Heaven help me, I hope I'm not around to see it.

Band-aids

What ever happened to "I am stuck on Band-aids, cause Band-aids are stuck on me" ? You can't get a good band-aid anymore. Most of them you buy, don't have enough adhesive to stick to anything (with exception to maybe the bathroom floor), you put it on and within the hour (or sooner) it's starting to come off. What happened? You can't put your hands in water for very long or else you'll see the band-aid floating in the sink. You can find all kinds of band-aids these days, there's sheer strips, medicated strips, flexible, plastic strips, fingertip, knuckle,and the list goes on. It can get confusing in the band-aid aisle, you go in with the intention of picking up a box of band-aids and there's all these different kinds staring back at you. So you stand there thinking to yourself, what kind should I get? Regular ones, yes, but what if I cut my finger, should I get the knuckle one or the fingertip? Let's see plastic strip or sheer strip? Regular or Latex free? Large ones or the box with a variety of sizes? It's crazy and it'll make you that way if you stand there long enough. No matter which one you choose, it still won't have enough adhesive, unless you get it on too tight and want to loosen it up, then it rips and you have to start all over. So Isay, lead me to the band-aid aisle, put a blind fold on me and I'll just grab something and make it work. Happy band-aid shopping!